HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

hey there... i m a bit late in wishing my dear friends here.... wish u all a fantabulous year ahead.. :)
loads of love....

To Err....

"We err because we are humans. So don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you made. Learn your lessons and let go. Even if you don't see hope, strain your neck to see that faint gleam of sunrays streaming thorough your window. It is staring you in the face, waiting patiently for you to pay heed. Life isn't cruel. Just hang in there and keep the faith intact"
these lines r frm a friend's blog... its weird .. i have been v disturbed abt smthng.... a visit to her blog n notice jus the lines i needed........ like a tonic.......
its surprising hw people forget the goodness n remember only the bad.. hw they blame .. label.......u may be good 100 times but if u faulter once or twice ...nobody remembers the good... ur bad is thrown at u time n again......
it hurts.... i m feeling down... it may be festive season but i m nt happy.... i dono where to go n who to turn to... so as usual i come here n..... thankflly as i write i feel again... i m nt numb anymore... as i write my eyes get flooded and the wet warmth of tears comfort me......
Life is tough.... i knw i need to accept it...... to transcend it....... lessons r tougher.... i hope i don crumble.... I don't want my actions or speech to hurt anyone on this earth......
i hope i live up to the realisations which hit me...
thanks Stillness... u really helped........
i wrote the post so far around 2 in the night... on Xmas eve.... i was realy dwn as is pretty evident...
life is wat we make of it... u weep u weep alone and u smile n the world smiles with u..... so true...
its nice to be able to reason out things with oneself... i love doing that.. i love n hate n cry with myself.. i fight with myself when i let mysefl down... no its not cos i m consumed with EGO n Self but its cos i realise i m more for others...i m responsible ... n i have no right wat so ever to hurt another being.... i have done it in past n i realise it was earth shattering for me....
somebody was right in saying the one who is wrong n has erred is more in agony than the one who has been hurt... cos guilt works faser than cyanide.... n is worse cos it causes slow death....
thank god i m over it now...n ready to face life ... i have forgiven myself n feel more responsible now:)
Merry Xmas to all....

A New Life :)

its been a very long time .... i have been away frm the blogosphere for far too long.. but surprisingly as soon as i log in i feel connected ....
I m back and i m Married!!!!! wow.. i cant still believe it... though it sucks to be back all alone to hostel but when u love someone so dearly .. u can feel their presence all around u.... i m smitten :) feels awesome n the best thing is its puppy teenage love type of feeling with elements of maturity , understanding .. and yes commitment follows.. cos u belong to the person so actually there's no separate issue which once upon a time must have plagued when u r going around with someone....
lots to write about .. n m gona share all my experiences with this space.... its like reliving the moments.... some bitter some sweet... but all worth cherishing :)

the not so normal...... or is it!!

i was sitting with my roomy one of the nights and as hostels are infamous for spooky stories n ghost tales at night ... we too were havng a heart to heart... she wears a talisman and has gone thru a few incidents pretty harrowing...
imagine havg fainted ... all cold on the ground n to be able to see some spirits ready to take ur soul away... sounds like a scene frm one of the horror flicks.. u may raise an eyebrow..snigger n say woman! get a life.... this bull isn't true......
wat if i say hey!! behold... this is not any crap but its true.. ever heard of near death experience.... a tunnel oh so long and light at the end..... its no fiction my dear friend.. medicine has accepted the phenomenon of NDE (near death experience) its only our cognitive mind which tricks when actually we r all collective consciousnes....

i had saved the above mentioned bit n din post it... somehow... n next day when i went to my dept... my junior had another story to tell me... she had once been to a river almost flooding cos of rains... she stood there...water lashing up against her torso... giggling away with her bunch .... only to get back home later n feel soo blue... she spent the next few days sitting all by herself in her room... not wanting to eat.. feeling a strange kinda possesion over her self... and when her mm couldn bear to c her like that.. she took help of the local guy.. u knw those who can identify spiirts n talk them out of u... she was apparently possesd by a spirit of a guy who was thrwn into sthe river by his dad or family or smthng... she felt him... actually!!! this is a real life encounter....
Its true they say.... i have read a lot abt the unseen dimensions.... the world which is there ..but jus nt visible to us... we all have the ability to connect if we wish to....
there r many souls who haven seen the light post death... these r the ones which tend to be looking for some attachment.. and when we r low or our energy field is weak... either due to illness or depression... such spirits tend to attach to us..... its difficult to believe but its true.....
wat these spirits need is love n light.... its important to send them to their dimension... this happens at the hands of a good healer....
its said we all have at some point in life some spirit body attached to us.... we jus have to remember to keep our energy field.. aura v strong... alws upbeat... so that we can not this harm us..... and remember there's a lot more to eyes than wat we can c.... but most of the mysteries of universe are unfathomable... this for sure is one of them .......

31st August!!

hey :)
today is a beautiful day for me.. a day i have waited for 8 long yrs...... i don have words to express my relief n my Gratitude to the Powers above.... it was a long wait but finally justice came our way... my family n i have been waiting for a lonnnnggg time n today we finally got the court order.... putting to rest our nightmares...
i am far away frm the people who r the reason for my existence... i cried ..i smiled .. i laughed... i wish i could be with them ... but i am alws away... guess alws destined to be ths way... never mind... i m nt to complain today atleast.... its a landmark day in our lives.....
u knw i so wanted to hug someone today.... have u ever felt the need for a hug... or the lack of it... nthng matters in life if u don have someone to hug n share joy with ...or maybe hug n cry with.... heartbreak or bliss...u do need that warm bear hug..... even my doggy isnt with me :) or i would have been happy hugging her :)
well .. today is a day which is gona be filed away... in the history of my family as a very significant day... jus like birthdays n anniversaries are....
u knw i can smell smthng right now... which is so comforting n soothing...... it reminds of smthng v special frm my childhood... fragrances can transport u back in time :)so lemme call it a day nw.... :)

Gratitude

I was wondering today hw grateful i am for wat i have in life... this thought crosses my mind a few times each day but the fact that i sulk reminds me of my ignorance and arrogance....
Its so easy to keep huffing n puffing over trivia in life... n more often than not we spin this web of confusion n complication arnd us ... bound by invisible chains of crippling despondence.... but y do we do that....
I have never actually made a list of things i m grateful for but i knw if i do it would run into pages.... i am blessed with love, health, knowledge, wealth.... wat mre can a human being need to survive... i have the power of discretion ... to knw my wrngs frm rights.... i mean wat mre could i ask frm heavens above.... nothning actually.... but a human tat i am... never satiated with wat i have i still dream on .. n i don stop at dreaming .. i worry ... i despair... i long n when i don have wat i want i get pissed n blog the way i did yesterday :) stupid na... hw futile...
so either we can live a life caught up in this vicious cycle... or we can learn to recognise Gratitude..... there a saying..." of all the attitudes u wear ..the attitude of gratitude is the most important...."
its said when u recognise wat u have more comes ur way.... Divine laws r very simple... acknowledge it thank the universe n it blesses u more....with everythng ..unbridled.... try it... it wrks... i sure am gone remnd myself to shift my gears....

Indian wedding!!!

helloss.... long time as alws... college has become busier than ever... n come to thnk of it ... its the last few months remaining i kinda want to cling to each day ...precious life as a free willy ... having lived so long as a loner in hostel rooms i wonder how would it be to be with someone of the opposite sex.... hey i m straight n all but i mean am used to girls arnd me ..u knw.... n hostel is like u can live as if a tornado jus hit ur room.... live with a pile of clothes n books n stuff strewn all over... its my mess n i love it kinda of a thing..... i will have it tough fitting in the frame of married woman.... it sure psyches me out at times..... it could be fun also.... but i hate emotional dependence ... i mean it jus hurts u at the end of the day doesn it... am i being critical ..hmmm i dono.... but isnt it true all the expectations n living together brings a myriad of adjustments with it..... i m shit scared ..... we humans dig our own graves by first falling in love then marrying n if it wasn enough we reproduce to bring more of our species to suffer like we do........ crazy coots i say... sigh....
i have heard marriage can be fun ..... i hope so i am looking frwd to it.. but i have jitters.... i am a fiercely independent being ... i speak my mind ...do my own thng my own way... being a female has never been a deterant till date have never been made to feel any lesser by anyone on earth... so suddenly fitting into the wife ..daughter in law n such frame is bloody frightening.... i hate rituals.. i hate too many women hankering over my head asking me things to do or to talk n walk like this n do this n do that..... **** man!! harrowing!!!
WHY do we do this to ourselves .... y cant we love n be spared the pain n torture associated with it.... y cant life be easy n smooth.... y should we marry n be made to feel like cows being sold to a new household..... i hate this tradition of marriage in our country..... is so bloody boys side dominated shit..... ya i am being vocal n pretty blunt in this post... but hey its wat i feel... n its true!!!