31st August!!

hey :)
today is a beautiful day for me.. a day i have waited for 8 long yrs...... i don have words to express my relief n my Gratitude to the Powers above.... it was a long wait but finally justice came our way... my family n i have been waiting for a lonnnnggg time n today we finally got the court order.... putting to rest our nightmares...
i am far away frm the people who r the reason for my existence... i cried ..i smiled .. i laughed... i wish i could be with them ... but i am alws away... guess alws destined to be ths way... never mind... i m nt to complain today atleast.... its a landmark day in our lives.....
u knw i so wanted to hug someone today.... have u ever felt the need for a hug... or the lack of it... nthng matters in life if u don have someone to hug n share joy with ...or maybe hug n cry with.... heartbreak or bliss...u do need that warm bear hug..... even my doggy isnt with me :) or i would have been happy hugging her :)
well .. today is a day which is gona be filed away... in the history of my family as a very significant day... jus like birthdays n anniversaries are....
u knw i can smell smthng right now... which is so comforting n soothing...... it reminds of smthng v special frm my childhood... fragrances can transport u back in time :)so lemme call it a day nw.... :)

Gratitude

I was wondering today hw grateful i am for wat i have in life... this thought crosses my mind a few times each day but the fact that i sulk reminds me of my ignorance and arrogance....
Its so easy to keep huffing n puffing over trivia in life... n more often than not we spin this web of confusion n complication arnd us ... bound by invisible chains of crippling despondence.... but y do we do that....
I have never actually made a list of things i m grateful for but i knw if i do it would run into pages.... i am blessed with love, health, knowledge, wealth.... wat mre can a human being need to survive... i have the power of discretion ... to knw my wrngs frm rights.... i mean wat mre could i ask frm heavens above.... nothning actually.... but a human tat i am... never satiated with wat i have i still dream on .. n i don stop at dreaming .. i worry ... i despair... i long n when i don have wat i want i get pissed n blog the way i did yesterday :) stupid na... hw futile...
so either we can live a life caught up in this vicious cycle... or we can learn to recognise Gratitude..... there a saying..." of all the attitudes u wear ..the attitude of gratitude is the most important...."
its said when u recognise wat u have more comes ur way.... Divine laws r very simple... acknowledge it thank the universe n it blesses u more....with everythng ..unbridled.... try it... it wrks... i sure am gone remnd myself to shift my gears....

Indian wedding!!!

helloss.... long time as alws... college has become busier than ever... n come to thnk of it ... its the last few months remaining i kinda want to cling to each day ...precious life as a free willy ... having lived so long as a loner in hostel rooms i wonder how would it be to be with someone of the opposite sex.... hey i m straight n all but i mean am used to girls arnd me ..u knw.... n hostel is like u can live as if a tornado jus hit ur room.... live with a pile of clothes n books n stuff strewn all over... its my mess n i love it kinda of a thing..... i will have it tough fitting in the frame of married woman.... it sure psyches me out at times..... it could be fun also.... but i hate emotional dependence ... i mean it jus hurts u at the end of the day doesn it... am i being critical ..hmmm i dono.... but isnt it true all the expectations n living together brings a myriad of adjustments with it..... i m shit scared ..... we humans dig our own graves by first falling in love then marrying n if it wasn enough we reproduce to bring more of our species to suffer like we do........ crazy coots i say... sigh....
i have heard marriage can be fun ..... i hope so i am looking frwd to it.. but i have jitters.... i am a fiercely independent being ... i speak my mind ...do my own thng my own way... being a female has never been a deterant till date have never been made to feel any lesser by anyone on earth... so suddenly fitting into the wife ..daughter in law n such frame is bloody frightening.... i hate rituals.. i hate too many women hankering over my head asking me things to do or to talk n walk like this n do this n do that..... **** man!! harrowing!!!
WHY do we do this to ourselves .... y cant we love n be spared the pain n torture associated with it.... y cant life be easy n smooth.... y should we marry n be made to feel like cows being sold to a new household..... i hate this tradition of marriage in our country..... is so bloody boys side dominated shit..... ya i am being vocal n pretty blunt in this post... but hey its wat i feel... n its true!!!

buddies..... this one's for u!

hey Guys...
u knw i was so disturbed by wat happened last week on my blog space that i couldn muster the courage to visit my space again.... stupid of me but thats hw i am.... n today as i turn to read the coments of my dear blogmates i had tears in my eyes... u guys r really nice, Wanda .. Stillness.. Adi... Jack thanks for being there :) it means a lot.. we may never have met but u knw its very comforting to come back to u guys .. u don judge ..somethng we all human swish frm those who we love... n i hope we too practise this with those we share our lives with,
i have so much to write abt. its like i wana weave a beautiful fortress with my words..
well more later :) thanks u guys once again

i wonder y we do stupid things at times....... n i do them all the time... u knw the most amazing thng about being stupid is that while u r being one u don even realise.... its smthng i did yesterday... a very immature n inconsiderate thing.... but i din realise it would hurt someone so much, when that someone happens to be the person i m crazily in love with....i feel like such a jack ass ..like i do nw.......
hmmmm...... so i try n set out to rectify my mistake, since it happened on the blog lemme try undoing it here.....
u knw at times we read more between the lines than what was actually conveyed..... the intensity with which u feel maybe isnt the same as felt by the other person.
its tough to justify my action , but trust me it is not worth ur precious emotions.... n i would never ever cause mental unrest to the person who means the world to me....... quite literally.....
i hope u can let this one pass... i m sorry for being so stupid.... this is probably the first n the last time, i promise....