random amblings.......

God! its been reallllyyyyyy long since i posted smthng... n i knw watever reasons i give would sound like excuses ..cos i have none actually... hmmmm..so lets c how life's been last 20 days that i have been away .... it was great actually.... home was great fun... i kinda ran away frm college to be hme for a long weekend- which was kinda self declared :)
u knw its like i feel at times the urge to live my life on my own terms... m bound by duty n rules n regulations n all that crap...but i knw its my life n this phase will never come back.. i mean to be able to spend time at home.. with no cares in the world..no obligations n all.. cos i guess post wedding there will be people to thnk of n to ask.... i may i may not.. cos i feel my home is my "being" n no one as in NO ONE on earth can tell me if or when or how many days i can go there for..... i wonder hw previous generation of women could take this kind of bondage..male dominated n crafted existence.... hmmmmm..tough !! it still is prevalent in i would say 80% of our country. wat liberation we c is very urban n sad enough hardly a figure worth mentioning ....
again the percent of women who claim to be "liberated" mistook the term with wat could be a warped brain atrophy .... i state it very simply though.... never take shit from anybody.... n i mean nobody on earth.... i guess at times this has lead me to build a shield around me..... its like self preservation... when u have been hurt a zillion times u jus don want anythng to break u again n so u go on this mode... hmmmm....
m super slepy its almost an hr past midnight.... i hate sleeping on saturday nights :) especially when it rains n is all cool n nice outside...
atleast i broke the dead lock on my blog today...hope to make more sense in tomo's post :)

the pain had vanished.... the heart so numb
the sighs were hollow like the drowning sun...
my hand stretched out for a gasp of life
shadows disappearing in the morning light.......

i strained so hard for the final look...
tears all blinding my gaze of u...
is this the end i ask myself
where was i when life passed me by
it all flashed past like a blaze of light....

it seemed a blur n so it was..
a moment to end that seemed so far....


P.S : i knw i promised part 2 to my previous post n i shall keep up my word..till then jus few words which tumbled out when i read the plight of a young girl who met her end quite unexpectedly.... maybe this was how she felt...

To Die or not to......

hmmm... a weird title for a post ..u bet... but a very serious mind twister.... i have alws been pro Euthanasia..mercy killing as it is popularly known.... in Washington the first person actually called off the supports under the assisted Suicide law..her name is Linda Fleming.. she was battling a terminal pancreatic cancer... as alws there are people protesting against this brave lady's act.. n i wonder why
i knw for a fact that death isnt the end, its a transition to another sphere.. a dimension not knwn so wel to the human mind ... but we all r souls .. n every soul knws for a fact it cant be destroyed..it jus moves on ... energy can neither be created nor destroyed...remember!!
so lets explore the connection betwn after life states n Euthenasia..... m gona be quoting Linda.... hoping she has found peace n her light ..... our lady wanted to call it off cos she had been thru enough already the exruciating pain her body couldn bear anylonger...... she said "since i m a very spiritual person..i want to be clear minded conscious n alert at the time of death....." the pain medication was kinda dulling her spirit n she wasn in control.... so u c its very important to invite the end n be in the right frame of mind before u pass on..i knw the accidents victims don have that choice... will come to that later....
our last impressions at the time of death are very strong they r wat in many ways decide our soul's journey... we must be able to accept our end not fear it n KNW FOR A FACT that its not the end... so why shouldn we be allowed to decide when we can pull off the supports... infact all terminally ill patients should be allowed to ....
the art of dying is as important as art of living.....
Linda was at peace when she passed on ..her physical body had withered but no her spirit.. m sure she saw the light, n was aware of wat was awaiting her....
i would continue this in my next post.... there r things i wana talk abt.. like the light..the spirit guides... n a lot more...
catch ya!!

Few bitter sweet moments !!

hi there
long time.. its been a while since i posted smthng... today was a weird day... i went thru so many thngs in the day that by the end of it i wasn sure whether i shud frown abt things or rather jus smile n move on.... work wise i knew the day was going to be hard and it was.. we were shouted at.. now i m kinda used to getn shouted at.. n as i was walking into the chamber of horrors i told myself no matter what he throws at u ...u nt gona let it affect u...i kinda pictured this shield arnd me making me "thick skinned "pretty literally, n it worked.. while he was throwing shit at us i was jus mutering the choicest of swears under my breath..n i walked out pretty unfazed :) proud of myself... i was bit disturbed so i jus called a pal to canteen to get it out of my system...thank god for friends... its was my usual S.O.S call ..... hmmmm then i got the good news abt a very good friend getting engaged ..n guess when ... Tomorrow :) how cool is that.... in the middle of all this another friend of my left for home cos her dad is citical n i jus wondered wats this life all about... i for a wild moment felt so small in this game called life... thanks for the vision or i would have got wallowed in my lil insignificant existance, i jus thought today if i die..life will move on jus as it is... few people may cry for a while but thats it... no one will perish cos i m nt there... so i wondered if i m nt to be taken seriously why shud i take my troubles seriously...... i'd rather do my best in my time on earth ..i wana reach out to those who need me.. today a patient who is mentally challenged jus melted my heart... his smile was the warmest n most wonderful thng tat happened to me the entire day....... when i waved to the kiddo bye he sheepishly smiled a bit embarrased n waved back, it was Gods way of telling me Babe u r lucky.... n that u r sent here for a purpose so jus do ur work n don get all worked abt some scums who r born to be a pain u knw here.....
n of course the good news of the day, for which i m sooooooo thankful is that i passed my exams :) even if that A****** gave me borderline marks atleast i passed :) THANK GOD!!!!

This one's for you :)

Some people in our lives are so special n precious that u jus wana guard them n hide them in a corner of ur heart where no one would ever inflict any harm on them, life would never be mean or unfair to them, no evil will ever brush past them.... I guess thats what they call Love!!!!
this post is my attempt to send into the universe the gratitude i feel for finally having met the love of my life....
well i would be lying if i say i wasn bothered or i was too busy in my career to think of love n such stuff... i may have laughed over the subject a dozen of times with close friends over a cup of coffee but we all knew life was acting up big time... all of my friends are doing well professionally but none of us were truly happy.. we all had arrived in our ways...proved ourselves in various walks of life.... climbed mountains to reach where we all r today but most of us were groping in the dark for the "love of our life"....
have u ever noticed life gives u the best of stuff when u least expect it to..or when u r so caught up in some insignificant event that u couldn care for anythng else...
i guess thats how i was introduced to the one i m dedicating this post to....
The universe does conspire to give u wat u wish for with all ur soul n conviction..n i m lucky my prayers were answered.. i dono wat to call him... my fiance or my boy friend or whatever.. i jus realised u cant name some emotions ..they jus form the core of ur existence and thats it... he wrote a beautiful quote for me which goes like

"Love is primarily giving, not recieving. Giving is the
highest expression of potency. Giving is more joyous than
recieving,not because it is deprivation, but because
in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness...."
Erich Fromm

its a beautiful thought... we r all so consumed by the thought of acquiring , receiving that we forget to give... when we give unconditionally frm our soul we shall reach the divinity that love is all about.... n thats where i wana go with him........

help me title this one :)

hi there....
i had to shake myself off the gloom n doom i have been going thru since yesterday... i won mope on it for more than is required but will surely tell u guys wat happened... i had one of the worst days of my life yesterday...... i was shouted at in the most inhuman of ways simply cos of my boss's ego was hurt or should i say not fed.... i felt the blow in the pit of my stomach i was so nt expecting such a wild response, so i couldn prepare for the attack....... he said the most derogatory of things,my past 2 yrs seemed jus a waste of time n effort..he questioned everythng from my credibility to my integrity... in short No One HAS EVER treated me as bad as this guy did yesterday.....
after the conversation it took me a few minutes to realise wat hit me... i had to cry to let it off my system, the good thing was that my friends helped by saying the choicest of abuses to him :) n it felt sooooooo good ... Thank God for friends..they r like angels who make u laugh thru ur tears :)
yesterday i realised the futility of us trying to please peeople, i knw i m in shit, cos i m a student registered under him,practically i shud suck upto him ..but i wont... i jus decided to show him the middle finger ( thru my attitude) n move on... the whole of today i was like a zombie in the department..but i was bringing out my survival instincts... i need them now cos LIFE IS TOUGH!!
i read in Coriee's blog that we all have 2 wolves inside us..the gory n the tame .. at times we need to feed the aggressive one n at times the tame one... i need to shift gears,its like diving off thousands of feet above the ground... with ur parachute on ur back... u ned to pull the lever to set u up.... i guess i need to do the same nw.. but m all ready for a good fight... so lets see how i come out of this unique battle of sorts.....

random thought

but since yesterday i feel so good :) proud of me for doing what all i had actually intended to .....
it feels nice to sit back after a fruitful day ...curl up in ur sheets content with the labour of the day... at times when the day throws tough moments n u actually well m feeling much happier n in control today :) its been a while since i Actually did wat i wanted to .... as in like work out... i so hate myself when i m nt physically active i imagine more flab than there actually is... n psyche myself out....
gracefully work ur way thru them ...it feels nice... i guess more than ur profile its how u handle each event or not so eventful event of ur day that makes up a good career n a beautiful life...... profound!!! :)
there's this thing that had been bothering me for quite sometime, its abt how people misunderstand u ..draw their own conclusions n write u off .... it bothers me a bit but not as much as it did earlier... when i look arnd me i wonder if the "good things" actually exist...i see people walk on like zombies.. working their way up selfishly... talk crap abt others... many times i step back from all of this jus to clear my head of the muck that goes arnd... its so important to steal a few minutes to jus close ur eyes n realise that its all so worthless.... the petty mindedness is so not human ... at times i feel like shaking people to tell them hello.... don be such a worm ..get a life man!
i pray i can keep my calm n smile all glowing for yet another day full if challenge and possibilies :) i m fallin off so guess time to hit the sack :)