pls read the date as 10/05/09 :)

its 3 minutes to midnight... and i should have bloged earlier but i was in a rotten mood since evening... had i blogged i would have jus spit venom...... i m nt sticking to my committment of bloging daily..n i don like myself for this.... it reflects wat a laid back person i have become these days... theres so much i need to do.... i need to get proactive, but here i am jus sitting n staring into the space.... waiting for a fairy God mother to come n set everythng right...has it ever happened to u that when there's lot on ur plate.... u jus don wana do anythng.... well thats hw i feel today, i also realised that my will power needs a good polishing... i was knwn for it once upon a time..... but these days it seems to be a long forgotten virtue....... hmmmm i need overhauling... could somlbody pls help.............. :) hmmmm that was a cry for help!!! i knw who to turn to.... it has to be me....
guess time to get into action......
the plan is i set small goals n tick them off on time.... so fellas wish me luck...... i so hope next time i sign in ...m more satisfied n peaceful...

sing along baby !!

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,(Real version)
Flying high,(clean version)
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you. 

 if u haven heard this song pls go right ahead n listen up..its by James Blunt and wat a gorgeous piece of music... its one of my fav.... i jus did a karoke and feels so  good :) i think singing takes u to an emotional high...try singing aloud feel the air fill ur lungs n jus carry on baby!! :) nothing feels as exhilarating .... it jus doesn matter if u bray or can croon a bit.... all that does is tat jus feel beautiful n sing :) singing has no connection to if u r a singer or not.... we all can ..in case u haven seen camerron diaz do the stunt in MY best friends.. pls do so.. she did the worst karoke ever but the must lovable too :) my fav. so far!!

day one :)

hmm... long time! i was too caught up in a few worldly things like Exams! which kept me away frm my passion of sorts these days.... yup its my blog :) i joined the blog marathon(nablopomo.ning.com)  last night n i hope i can keep at it... churn out some good posts here .....

well... theres this thing i realised tat some of my previous posts have been quite on the heavier side i guess i need to blog often when m all happy n gay :) n not jus when life is getting a bit tough to handle...hmmm... shall keep tat in mind

anyws ... i did a good thing today ... i caught up with an old friend :) wonder how we jus move on and leave a few threads behind ... entangled  n all jus there like a spiders web... making the past look like a haunting old tomb of hidden memories....  hmmm.. spooky hhuuh... u bet...

personally i hate advancing in life without resolving old issues... if i have it my way i would reach back to all n every situation which maybe i could set right.. wounds i may heal better now...situations which i could better justify now.... i don like people carrying emotional burden 

far too long than its really required! 

i am lucky to be able to move on after a blow ... it doesn take me too long to dust off n start all over again... i don give up till i find wat i m looking for and don settle for anythng but the best..guess tat helps to keep moving on .... hmmm.... but then theres this breed of people ..like my friend.... who jus wana stay stuck... they hang on to the pain, the anger... are not ready to forgive n kinda make life a living hell..... i so tried making sense to him... tat things happen for a reason ...in life we cant live with blinkers (only horses look good in them) and percieve things as how they appear...u HAVE to look at the bigger picture... the canvas of life is greater than we think it is.... NO ONE can make or break it...most of it is in our hands and much if it is pre ordained.... so why keep grudges n stay stuck..life Will pass u by..... its scary loosing ur life over past which cant be undone.....  i spent 2 hrs convincing him.... but each to his own finally n i cant do anythng more for him! sigh....  

anyws.... i have a few good stuff in my kitty :) for the blog marathaon :) n am i excited ?! u bet i am :) 

illusion!!! or is it ?

considering April is my birth month..i haven done justice to it blog wise...... hmmm anyws i hope i can snatch more of "me" time n get cosy in my space..... 

at times i wonder why do we give ourselves so much to things n people that eventually it hurts us....  is it only me or even u my fellow bloggers go thru this..... its so weird n painful.... age doesn matter .... experience still fails u ... eventually the fact is if u r an emotiomal fool u'l alws remain one.... 

sigh!!! somethngs never change they say ..... hmmm.... the secret is the balance to nt give away urself totally to anythng or anyone... they say balance n be involved yet from a distance.... yup the word i have been looking for is Detachement .... so one has to be in the thick of things n yet stay detached ..weird !! God sure has strange thngs on his mind for us.... he wants us to go on with the game of life... be there n yet be detached enough so that the blows r gentle .... the pains arent crippling n the when the sunsets the night isnt tat fearful ....... hmmm .... tough don u think so... life never ceases to teach us... n everyday i find myself coping with yet another fall out... 

wish i culd be less over the top in the matters of heart n jus learn to chill... when will that day come..m waiting patiently..has been a while .. but i still find the girl in me hurting js the way it did  what seems like an eternity ago .... n time n again i come back to the conclusion tat its all an illusion... its all Dust in the wind......... so don hang on.......  :)

sunday blues !!

sometimes we dono wat we want in life... even when life is beautiful .things r going great u wonder why r u blue....

tats exactly how i feel right now... i think sundays usualy don go very well with me.... i m ok the entire day but as the day wears off..i jus feel sad.... its like better to not have a day off....  i think staying away from ur family does tat to u.... u miss them so much tat after point u jus go numb the pain stays but the reason which otherwise is so obvious fades away into oblivion....... n jus the feelings remain..... 

at times i feel people have a lot of expectations....  and u jus don ever feel u live to upto them no matter how much u do or hw hard u try..... qustions r asked and at times when there's silence u wonder tat u shud have done it but u haven............

hmmmm.... i knw i don make much sense ..i m jus rattling off some nonsense....... i m jus ................. bored............ 

life presents u with such situations that u wonder if its a blessing or wat? by or wat i mean tat u jus don realise how to deal with things.. its like u r shown the moon on a dark night and u r told its up there somewhere to shower u with light ...don worry even though its a cloudy night ... the moon is still upthere.. jus in case u forgot... for mental satisfaction.... but then wats the use of having it so far away when u really need it closer to show u the light ..... its wat i call "dhoka" and life plays many such games.... it gives u things which r actually nt there .... they r a haze somewhere far away..... and yet u r supposed to kid urself into believing it exists!

its like "nothing i have is truly mine" 

ok i need to snap out of this mood.. but writting abt it alws helps :) its like ur best friend ... tats wat my blog is....... 

m feeling a bit better. need to hit the books nw....... so catch ya

Bodylicious ;)

hey

i jus feel like penning dwn smthng... its been a while and i missed my blog....  today as i ws going on with my work in the hospital ... saw a few patients who got me thinking... its not unusual to c people who r so dependent... so despondent.. u almst choke seeing them.. but then its ur job n u really cant get emotional..... 

i remember the day i decided to get into medical profession...i thought to my self our body is such a miracle.. its the ultimate piece of machinery.. the co ordination is amazing.. its perfect... the timing the rhythm we as humans don even knw wat we r carrying within us..... its the ultimate design of a genuis ... the creator n his creation.. 

how did it happen have u ever wondered? could a few reactions in the primordial soup of life have led to such a masterpiece... i don think so... it the work of a brilliant force... 

n then there r people who take it so for granted... u knw our looks r smthng we r born with... its the genes.... if we r healthy it a BLESSING which we rarely realise.... but most importantly wats in our hands is to take care of our health..the body which we so abuse all the time... don take it for granted.. usually we wake up only after its too late... when youth has breezed past us n the twilight yrs are approaching ... its too late then...

we need to respecct ourselves... our body .. the soul within before we expect the world to repecct us... as they say love urself before others love u !

 jus stop for a minute n thank ur body for being so perfect... for carrying u thru, al these years ... with hardly any servicing....  feel being ALIVE! we r blessed :)

and take care of the miracle tat u r !!!!!

M feeling crappy today...... i jus feel m wasting my life doing wat i am.... i knw its not true but how do u handle the pressure... i guess m ok wth handling pressure but wat freaks me out is unreasonable expectations of people....... 

i don like being answerable to anyone... i jus realised... i had only heard its an arian trait din knw it existed in me... i knw wat m doing so i guess hate when someone points a finger...... or questions my intentions.....

hmmm... life is teaching me lessons... oh God... i feel like going for a long drive ...  and leaving al this behind....... sometimes when thngs are all botched up..its so nice to close ur eyes n let ur imagination run wild...... 

like right now when i close my eyes i feel like jus taking off to some hills go for a long walk up a path n reach a monastry where lots of buddhists monks r chanting n big bells or gongs r ringing and there r these thick grey rain filed clouds jus breezing past me... i could jus touch them with my hands :) and jus sit there looking at the monks .... i can almst imagine myself in jeans n sweater n a nice muffler sitting with a smile on large stone steps of a beautiful monastry...  feels beautiful :) i guess life aint tat bad after all.... maybe m jus over reacting..... 

m feeling better already.....  i think the only person who i must live upto is myself and work hard to feel proud ... so when i look back to tell my kids the story of my struggle they can be proud of their mama :) ok nice thought to freeze on